I just need a place to release what I have in my mind. I moved out from house on 1 May 2009. New place, new environment, new life.... My daughter so excited. She looks so happy. Our new house bigger and more comfortable. She have lot of space to play.

Just before I moved out, received sms again from him, as usual accusing and blaming me. He accuse me told his friends about his affair with another women. Because of that his friend angry and threatening to harm him. He suspect that I boycot and set him up. I got confused, what it has to do with our marriage? Why his friends want to harm him just because he having another women? There must be something else and he hide it from me, but I never ask. I just told him that "I am sad after what you did to me, but it was a release to get away from you....am happy now. So please think, if am happy why on earth do I want to get people smack your face?". He sound disspointed but, still with his hypocrite and ego sound.

The next day, I moved out and I off my phone. Since then, everytime I look at the phone and hold it, there a terrified feeling inside me, thinking back his words to me, his girlfriend and the mother story to me...I feel pain again. A sharp feeling in my chest that I couldnt say in words. So I leave it off. Until this few days, when I need to transfer some data inside the phone. He suddenly sms me the picture of him and my daughter together. I never seen the picture and my mind quickly analyst that must be taken when he with the other girl. So I deleted the picture. Then, he ask me where am I staying because she wants to visit our daughter. I said in my heart, not now.... then I off the phone.

Oh did I mentioned, the day I moved, few neighbour approach me and ask where do I moved. Not only that, told me that they saw my husband bringing the girl to the our house, and that girl is UGLY! Terribly ashame, but at least am happy am much more better that her and at least after this no more their pity and sad face when talking or look at me.

After so long delay, finally my lawyer came out with our divorce letter and I forward it to him yesterday. This morning the first sms I received was from him, sound like this: what all this...am staying alone..till now here, I can manage to pay XXX a month, you said am not responsible towards darlene...you the one didn't want me to see her, why you make my life terrible? and the girl...why you want to summon her? look and pity at their family, they are not rich. Why you do this? And I don't have any relationship with her anymore. And where should I get money to pay as your claim? am living here alone, not eating properly,...god...you're great...thanx alot.

I wanted to reply to him so badly. But I guess no point. He will never get it. And we will fight again. I think he have a limited brain capacity. So, here I am....writing in my blog to burst out how I felt about the sms. I really angry when he said look and pity at their family. Honestly I do forgave the stupid girl. She don't know what she doing and involve with. But I can't forget what she did to me. She shout at me, saying that am psycho and alot more. She hide my husband. She call my husband, she come to my house, she using my car, she laughing at me. At the other hand, My husband keep on lying and swear upon my daughter's name. I feel so humiliate by their action. Read back my blog since the beginning of their relationship on last December. You will understand.

For God sake....if you guys out there read these....please bare in mind...I know how the feeling of falling in love could be so intense...but please don't humiliate and hurt other people feeling so badly. They still human with feeling, like yourself. It really hurt....there no words I could put it into.... it like the worst nightmare in whole life you have...and, there nothing else you can feel, said or saw...just the painful feeling. Believe me, you don't want to be there.

Okay...back to his sms about his responsibility to Darlene....well, for this month he never send money to us. Did I mentioned I never ask money for myself? instead, I still pay our debt? So, if he really a responsible person, he knows I have to pay those debt, at the same time to rise a child...I don't have to remind him of his responsibility towards Darlene every months! How about her insurance? How many time do I have to remind him? Did he knows that her insurance pending for 9 months now? How about her IC that still stuck in the govn office since she born? How about her saving that he promise since she born? Well, what I can expect from a person like him? I know we seperated, I moved out he will forget his responsibility to Darlene. That exactly what happen now. How about when still married...who is working and who not working? Before he got his father money, who pay for the house and bills? Who always coming back late? who always be with girlfriend / friends all the time leaving his responsibility at home? Still want to talk about responsibility? Oh god...I could talk about it endlessly.....

I wish...God listen to him and show him what he have done or maybe increase the capacity of his brain to think and gave him a heart so he could feel how other people feel, before he send any other sms again.