Almost two weeks since the last time i saw him. Usually he will sms me or call our daughter. Two weeks, things were cool for a while, then today he just sparks the fire again. I though that I will stop writing here, but i guess this blog will turn into 'journey to cross the ugly monster'.

He sms me today "hey, u r poison all ur body, to my family u spoilt my name, did i ever talk bad about u to ur family? I even support. Did I ever report u? Everytime u need cash I give u, all u do to me is disaster, even my freinds you spoilt my name, at least we indian are kind then sarawak freaks! Lucky your daughter got mix indian, so that she will be kind like her dad"

All I reply is "watch your own language, then you know who actually with the kind hearted". He never replied.

Actually I want to reply like this ""hey, u r poison all ur body, to my family u spoilt my name ( I don't have too, they are not deaf or blind to see what you did), did i ever talk bad about u to ur family? I even support(you barely talk to them!!) Did I ever report u? (Anu told me so many times you want to report me....anyway, if you want to report me go ahead. I want to know against what case?) Everytime u need cash I give u,(so? you prefer your wife to give you money? even after she pay the house, bills, insurance and debts?) all u do to me is disaster (it won't happen if you not created it), even my friends you spoilt my name (I haven't talk a single words to any of your friends so far, so which friend are you refer to?), at least we indian are kind then sarawak freaks! Lucky your daughter got mix indian,(again, why on earth did he mention about race?!!) so that she will be kind like her dad"('kind' you mean when using words slut, bitch, racist and keep on accusing people blindly?)

God, forgive me if he really sick. But, right now I really hate him. I never poison anybody. I did not talking to any of his friends,to be honest am not feel comfortable whenever they around. For this round of affair (his second affair known by his family), I try to keep myself quite because I lost hope. I don't want to say anything to his family. But i do reply when they ask "is he come back home?", "is he using father's money", "how much it left", "why is he not coming back home", "where he staying", "is he still with the girl", and on and on and on.....

At home when his mother or brother come to visit they will talking like the marriage still have hope and said that my husband will be coming home to his family one day. That he will realize his mistake and come back to us.

At the other hand my mother keep on telling that she can't believe my husband do all that. He looks so decent and so promising when ask me to marry him from my family. And she can talk about that all day long.

At office, one by one people come to me and ask 'what happen?', 'are you ok?'or 'pity your daughter'.

At the other hand, my lovely husband keep on accussing me poison his friends, his family, disaster to his life, racist, slut, bitch, heartless, selfish and on and on and on.

Now, am at stage of asking myself "whats the purpose of my life?". To be tortured by all the people around me?

Somebody out there, please tell me! Why is he keep on accuse and blame me when he the one who having an affair outside. When he the one never works and I have to pay for our debt? Why on earth did he wants to hurt me by his words over and over again when he knows that I hurt enough when he having an affair, hiding under the girl's bed, bringing the girl to our house when am out working, rent a house and stay together with the girl, lying and keep on swear over my daughter's name all the time (even when he lying). WHY?! WHY?!

Did he knows why his family against him? Did he knows why his friends against him? Did he knows why the whole block of our house against him? I DO NOT telling any story to them!!!!

Maybe he lost his memory. His family against him because he never take care of her mother as he promised. He just dash out with the girl. Once a blue moon only show his face. Buying things for the girl's house with the father money. Even the girl told me that his father money is finishing!!! When his family ask for help (in terms of money), he will get angry and give them hurting sms (like what he did to me. (his brother told me) He keep on avoiding when his family ask about the father death cert, father's money or if they asking for help. So, why on earth he blame me for?

The whole block of our house against him because he mix around with his friend that looks dangerous (i agree with that). They heard he shouted at me when we fight together with the doors bang or things that thrown around the house. They heard Darlene's cry out loud when am not around (the aunty downstair told me). So why on earth I blamed for?!

I don't know about his friends because I haven't talk to any of them. But I had a hunch that his 'friend' at Phuket that always giving money to him will against him when he knows what he did here. But, if he think my husband innocent and willing to help him, well good luck. At least my husband would stop sms me with all those voulgars words!