Just feel like what to write something about how I feel.

Yesterday I on my phone, and he who just looking for the opportunity, beg me if I could let Darlene to talk to him. I said ok, then he ask me to call him since he got no credit. Sabar jer la aku.

I wish, I could just take Darlene away from him. But, I know what is the consequences to her. Just look at that bitch life. Not educated, unreasonable thinking, rude and alot of of other attitude problem. i understand all that one of the reason is the broken family. Her parents hated each other and never hide it from her. Even she has to accept that the father is useless and the mother is motherfucker bitch. She accept her life srewd up and don't even try to improve her life. She just accept whatever coming on her way.

I can't teach that to Darlene. No matter how hard it is....no matter how much I hated him....i must control myself. I should talk only nice thing about him to my daughter. I must teach Darlene what is forgive and forget. I know it sound impposible, but am lucky enough she still too young to understand all that. But, I also have to be prepared she will ask about her father one day, she might even wants a father. Which is very difficult for me. But, hope I could go thru.

About her father...the more I thinking about him now, the more I think that imppossible for me to be with him. Too much different, not comparetible, no dicipline, no proper life and having a risky life. He do not have job. According to research, if you couldn't stick to one job or stabilize himself at age of 30, then you won't be settle easily in your life. Look at him. 31 years old. Jobless, no property, don't have a proper life. If he not change for another few years, his life will be screwd up. All his friends most likely like him or even worse. Maybe his life will end up like them. Don't have to mention about the girl. She young, even not educated, she a girl and still have a long way to go. She will survive, but lets just hope on the good way.

Not only that, he rude and hot tempered. I just couldn't stand his attitude when driving, cursing and never patient to other driver. He always said 'fuck, bitch, son of the bitch, stupid...ect'. That why our car go crash for 3 - 4 times in two months! Not only that, he selffish and materialistic. He told me once to keep all the receipt that we pay for Darlene. So that, when she grow up, we can show her how much we spend for her. Can you believe it? He don't even care if his best friend in suffer or needed help. If he in the middle of something he won't help. There are times also he won't let me drive the car because according to him, he pay, he use the car. Let alone me and my daughter suffering early in the morning and late night walking back home. He talk rude and never respect her mother. He shout and yell at his mother in front of others. His weakness is sweet young women. He will forget all about his family and everything else in the world when fall in love. But, that fast he fall in love, that fast also he fall out of love. He always compared whatever he have with others. He always wanted the best, the hensem, the most and intention from others. He racist...I never said anything about race whenever we fight, but he always use that issue against me. I think he always have an issue about self esteem and he needs to feel good all the time. That the reason he always want to look good everytime go out from house. He always wants the best to shows to other people and other will praise him. That why he so upset when everybody knows what he is doing are all the bad things. Not only upset, he really angry and pointed all to me. He always avoid problems. I guess that just another his immature action to live in his own heaven. Yes, now I can accept that I married to a loser. Save me!