I was confuse and not sure what to do when all the problem started. All I feel at the moment is resentment feeling towards him and he shows in all ways and all languages that he hates me above all the creatures in this world.
keep on talking about separation and divorce every time we see each other. He keeps on avoiding coming back home. He will be at his 'friends' house for 2/3 days and return home. Keep on nagging me about the car even though he knows that we need it the most.
So, there one day I gave him the car and as usual, he spends 2 days at his friend's house, and you can tell that I am really angry at him. We have big fight when he coming back home the next day. I throw the car key to him, pack his cloths and belonging, and chase him out from the house between my tears. I beg him to let us alone and don't show his face to us again.
The following week, without the car, me and my daughter have to get up early every morning. As early as at 6.45am,I send my daughter to Mother in Law's house walking around 15 min and then, rushing to catch early train to work. I thought this is the end of everything. He got money, got car, got his freedom. He can do and go anywhere he wants.
But, almost every night he will call and I never pick up the calls. He gave up and starts texting me. Ask how is our daughter, ask either we need the car. He will ask the same question every single day and beg me to reply, and I will never reply to any of it.
Almost a week same thing happen, then I had to text him about car payment since the bank call me. He promise to pay at the same evening. Then he started talking about how regret he is about what he has done and wish time to turn back. He giving me all the hints that he wants to come back. I was happy for awhile until he said "I would stay most of the time at home, but maybe one or two days will spend my time at my friend's house". There he goes...he just spark the fire again. Who he's kidding? Who going to believe that he staying at his friend's house?
Anyway, I told him that if he really serious about our family, he should act and talk like one. I want a passionate, honest and happy marriage, and what he just propose is impossible for me. I rather out of marriage and I started talk about separation and divorce. He ended up by saying 'up to you'. I feel so angry, but has to swallow it.
I didn't say anything till the next morning.Early in the morning he knocks the door, loudly. Had to open so he won't disturb the neighbors. I just too angry to look at his face and gave him a way to come in and let myself to the room and continue my sleep.Since the car already there, and he sleeping at the other room, I told him am going to take the car to work and he had to agreed. Besides, he said he going abroad later. Still angry I didn't response or bother to ask where or with whom.
That afternoon he suddenly text me ask about his passport. I think I know where he put it last time. But, I still mad at him so, all I told him "I didn't know", he the one who kept it. He suspected that I hide it, and I didn't response in such a good way and we backfired each other over the phone. He even cursing at me. Before end the conversation he told me he going to take the car later at night. The trip was cancelled. I admit that am not proud of it, but there some satisfying feeling inside me saying that I've won this round.
The same night, tired after work, I fetch my daughter back to home. The moment I entered the house, I was in the very big shock. My house in a big mess. He open every drawer in the house, even break my drawer in the room. Boxes and bags opened with it contains all over the floor. I can feel my body trembling in anger. I called him he never pick up, I called so many times and still not picking up. Then started texting him, i cursing him with every terrible, awful words that I've known and send to him. He never reply even a word.
Finally, I sat on the bed and was looking at my reflection on the mirror. Then I started to cry. My daughter look at me with puzzle look, then she started crying too. I ignore her, and started texting my husband again. After all the resentment and frustration feeling, I started to feel sad. Sad for our marriage, our family, our house and everything. I know, I couldn't give him letter and tell him about what I feel about our relationship, about our marriage and family. And he won't pick up the phone, so I had to tell him thru texting.
I feel so much of disappointment and heartbreaking. All I want at the moment is to be alone with my baby, without him. The last thing I want is to have him around and make our life miserable. So, I told him to have whatever he wants, just leave us alone because so far we never disturb his 'happiness' with his 'friends'. He should be happy as he have what he wish for and let us live our life without him peacefully. He the one who cheating, he the one who leaving and breaking the family, and what else could be worse than what he has done to me and my daughter. In fact, I begged him to leave us alone.
I told him, our life will be hard, but we will be happy and he also will be happy with his new life. I even promise him that I will never ever disturb or call him unless it's about our daughter. And I confess to him about the passport. That I just guessing where he kept the passport and it is actually not there too...so nobody knows where his passport. He never reply to any of the text.
That night, for the first time after we having problem I can sleep better. My friend said that maybe this time I honestly and truly meant what I've said and that the right thing to do and say at the moment.The next few days really quite, and I was wondering if he received all the text. But, there is one day I had to text him about the car. Apparently he never paid the installment for few months. To my surprise he reply my text saying he will pay the amount by that evening. So, when I check that evening, and the car is paid, I was relieved.
It just the beginning
11 years ago
